.................thing is..at this moment I really don't know who I am..I really don't know if am different from other people..wether this life im living really is unique you know..At times I feel so inadequate, and the very people that I would expect to encourage me actually make me feel this way too, the most!!...I know I'm not but it doesn't take the feeling away though..I take so much emotional beating everyday..I thought I could keep it up but its starting to get to me...All the hate you know..hurtful words..people treating other people like dogs..guys treating girls like objects...kids whose parents beat them to a pulp each day and make them go beg for booze money..you know...me working my ass off...doing more than whats expected of me and not seeking any recognition for it you know and then getting treated like a dog when I don't buy enough milk for the office...when its not even in my job description to buy milk ..seeing girls who act cheaply and just throw away their virginity's to guys who only want them for sex...I know all this doesn't make sense but all these things bother me...seeing tourists spending loads of money here in the waterfront and the just walking past the street children like they not worth a cent of their time..these things hurt me..these are the things I think about...you know I hear everyday on the news and read in the newspapers of the most horrendous things people do to each other..every other day i read in the local newspaper of how mothers kill their unborn babies and then themselves ....then I read on and see that the mothers are but only 15 or 19 and even 12 years old......and these are things that happen daily...I have female friends who's boyfriends get them pregnant and then force them for an abortion, my cousin recently being one of the culprits who did it to his girlfriend...and then me in my efforts doing everything I can to talk them out of it.. and in asking them why they want to do it and then they give me reasons like "its just a thing and I don't wanna loose my boyfriend" meanwhile their boyfriend is sleeping around with every skirt that comes across his way...I recently had a friend who got his girlfriend pregnant, i pleaded with her daily not to consider an abortion,even that I would help her with the baby..she went for it anyway and came to me,,absolutely broken,,asking me why I ever allowed her to go through something like that,but the damage has already been done..recently my cousin got his girlfriend pregnant, she was considering an abortion too...unfortunately she lost the baby...........what is this world coming too...I get so angry that I just want to beat these boyfriends to an absolute pulp ) but you know what God did????He told me "Mark,,I don't love you any more than them..and that's something that's very hard for me to fathom at times but that is exactly the reason Christ died, for guys like that....
I guess I experience only a teenie weenie bit of what Jesus has to go through every single day....and then I wonder.....where are all the children of God and why isn't the Church doing anything about this...we are more than capable but still we are more content to live our lives comfortably for ourselves, and when there are one or two individuals asking for financial support to GO and help these people their salaries for some reason becomes extremely small..these are the things that bother me..and these are the things that I think about.God has called us out of darkness,into His light , to GO and BE a light...why does the churches light only shine on Sunday's, at bible studies, prayer meetings, cell group meetings and social get togethers like the church is some sort of social club...It frustrates me and at the same time hurts me...that children of God can keep such a precious gift that they have received freely, selfishly to themselves...we limit our love..we judge people, put them in boxes, organise those boxes according to importance and hand out our love according to those boxes. We then get so drained that we decide only people close to us deserve our love coz its too much effort to give it to other people...What a stupid thing to do!!Of course we will get drained if we try these things by ourselves.Its only BY God and THROUGH God and FOR God that these things can be done..but we have missed the point, the essence and the meaning...the word of God gets watered down to suit peoples ears..pastors preach feel good messages to their congregations Sunday after Sunday and are to afraid to preach the truth or they think that as long as the church is growing he will stick to preaching his feel good messages..God gives them a message to preach and they end up doing their own thing because they are afraid that they'll offend someone and loose that person's tithe..
We are living in precious times and for too long has the Church of God been sitting comfortably on her ass...Its time to do whats right,and doing whats right goes hand in hand with doing whats wrong, because doing whats right is not doing what YOU want or your PARENTS want or even your PASTOR wants but doing what GOD wants..for God and God alone
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